Another irritating and tiring work day!

It was a super hot day in the afternoon and i almost fainted working in the sweltering heat.
Eurgh.. I wonder why i still work there year after year..
Man i must be desperate for money..
But where else can i earn money rite?

Well, i guess working there has its advantages and disadvantages.
At least it gives me a chance to self reflect and find some answers to questions that i have been asking myself.

One of the things that i realised is that - now i know why its so hard for me to find a bf..
I mean with so many girls flaunting their assets to guys, who would want me rite?
I'm really amazed at some of the things the malays wear during this fasting month..
I thought they would at least have the courtesy or respect to dress decently..
But nooooooo... Their dressing gets worse in fact..
Sheesh.. Its no wonder sometimes other races think so lowly of malays..

Sigh.. i'd better stop criticising and stuff.. its not good...
Anyway, they have all the right to wear what they want to wear..
I guess they just dont care about what people think and how it reflects on themselves and the society as a whole..

Maybe im just old fashioned or something.. But i guess im happy this way..

iI think im gonna rest now and do my resume later..
Not really in the mood to write the bloody thing now..

My legs feel as if they are going to fall apart...
OUCH!

Write again soon i hope..

Today was a work day..
Damn tiring and bored!
I guess after 5 years of working with the same company and doing the same thing every festive season, it gets kinda boring and tiring...

And today is the start of the fasting month!
Time really flies!
It just feels like its yesterday i just worked at the bazaar..

anyway, dont feel like typing now..
I'll type tomm or something..
Wanna watch tv or read or maybe even sleep..
On second thoughts i think i shall sleep..

ITS THE END OF ANOTHER SEMESTER!!!

yay!!!!
Finally! ITS OVER! and i managed to come out of it in one piece. :)
It feels good knowing i dont have reports to write and datelines to meet.
Super happy!
But somehow it feels a bit weird being totally free with nothing to do, other than write a resume.

Well, im glad its over anyway..
But the fasting month is starting tomorrow and my work has already started.
Another month spent at the bazaar, where i'll be selling clothes as usual.

But this time, its gonna be a bit different..
I'm gonna be working as a single and unattached girl! heh..
A newfound independence!
Who knows i might get a number or two rite..? Ya.. I WISH!

I've been working there for the past five years and no guy has ever approached me for my number before..
So i dont see why this year is gonna be any different..

Watched movie today - Intolerable cruelty
I must say the story is lenghty, but the story plot is not really tht good..
But nevertheless it was funny.. and it brought to light a few things...
Well, inside the story, it really portrays women as gold diggers.
Women would do anything to get their hands on fortune - to the extend of marrying and divorcing for the sake of money.
Sheesh!
I have to admit, there are girls and women like that, but let me stress that not ALL girls are like that!

since school is over and all, its time i started cleaning up my room..
Its in a total mess.. Like a pig sty!
Apart from that, i've gotta delete all the files in my comp that i can do without so that i can save space..
I think im going to do that now..

My computer needs to be changed!!!

I was writing in my blog earlier when my computer just stalled!
And then i couldnt get it to start for hours!
I was frustrated and everything. eurgh
My brother had to help me repair it and in return i had to cook him something. Sheesh.
sometimes i wonder whether he will help me out in the future without wanting something back in return.
But the important thing was that he helped me and that is all that matters. :)

So what did i write earlier...?? hmnn..
This is the problem with writing online i guess..
You cant seem to write what ur thoughts are at that point in time.

Just now, i was sitting at the beach and there were many things that i wanted to write.
Wait a minute!
I wrote it somewhere.
I'll search for it and type it out.

" As i sit facing the sea, all the memories just came rushing back to me.
Its different this time because im smiling at all the memories and im able to take it as it is without feeling sad or regret.
Maybe, i've really moved on, and im proud of myself for that.
Its something that wasnt easy to achieve but somehow, i've done it. :)"

Well, that was in my head at that point in time i guess.
I was at the beach for a rollerblade session.
It was great fun!
For once, i felt like an expert blader looking at my friend learning how to rollerblade.
It was truly amusing. :)
But i must admit, he was a fast learner, although he fell on his bum a few times. heh.

Anyway, it was a good day.
Have to start doing my schoolwork soon.
But for now, i think i must go and sleep.
Maybe i'll wake up earlier and write what i remember.

Nitey nite.

My mind's a mess

Studying for the UCCD is giving me a bloody headache. Eurgh.
Anyway, went out to study with my friend, which didnt help.
Couldnt concentrate properly plus the fact that i had no mood to study.
But at least i put some things inside my head than nothing at all.

Emotions are all over the place.
Dont know how to describe it.

Been avoiding the issue about my ex.
Sometimes i feel that he is still holding on to me and its kinda suffocating.
I have to talk to him about it.
Dont want to mislead him and hurt his feelings yet again.
But its going to be tougher than i thought coz he is so nice and everything that i just dont have the guts to do it.
What am i supposed to do????
This is confusing.

Then there's another issue.
I dont know if i like this other guy or not.
Im so unsure of my feelings for him.
All this is making me sick.

The idea of relationships just freak me out now.
Maybe i have commitment phobia or something.
Im not sure...
Or maybe i think too much.
Wish i could get the answers for all this, but its been a while and i am still in a daze.
Help me.. somebody...

I'd better start studying..
Have a test tomm..

Didnt have a chance to write yesterday and the day before...
Was busy doing my powerpoints and stuff..

I cant believe i broke down on Sunday.
But i picked myself up and went through everything as i should.
I guess on Sunday i was just stressed at how things were going.
One thing that i've got to start is to STOP DOING THINGS LAST MINUTE!
Its going to destroy me one of these days.

Since i didnt write for yesterday and Sunday, i guess i'll just write down what i remember.

Sunday

Sunday was hell!
Maybe one factor could be because on Saturday i slept at 6 a.m. doing my own personal crappy stuff knowin i had a class the next day at 10.30 a.m. and project meeting at 3 p.m.
So i was dead tired on Sunday.
Felt like a sodding zombie.
Anyway, i couldnt afford to sleep coz i had my powerpoint to do, which i didnt really start off in the first place.
Received an sms in the morning that one of my groupmates was sick.
I had a feeling it was a start of a bad day.
Got back home from class and had to fight with my brother for the comp.
Received another sms that another member was sick. Yay!
In the end i cancelled the group meeting and postponed it on the actual day of the presentation.
Can u see how last minute it is??!!!!!! Eurgh.
Anyway, back to the story.
So i thought i could sleep, but then i was talking on the phone for a while when my aunty called and asked me to accompany her somewhere.
I knew i should have said no, knowing how tired i am, but somehow, when it comes to my family members and reltives i dont mind going out of my way for them.
Then my brother came out from his room (amazingly knowing its a sunday) and asked me to go Parkway with him to shop for his stuff. I mean what can i say.. He is my brother after all and its really rare that he asks me to follow him somewhere.
You know what, talking about my brother, its really strange considering how much we detested each other and couldnt really get along.
Now it seems he's really making an effort to get closer to me and actually act like a big brother.
Maybe its because now i dont look as bad as i used to and im more mature? HAHA
Weird, but i like it.. :)
So i was supposed to meet my aunt at 3 something.. thats what she said and i guess it was too late to sleep..
Did my prject for a while and waited until three something.. called her up and then she said four something.. :(
Decided to have a quick nap, even if its only for half hour..
But the thing was that i couldnt sleep.. tossed and turned and finally i slept only to be woken up fifteen minutes later!
I really didnt want to go but a promise is a promise rite??
So i dragged myself and went out. First with my auntie, then with my brother.
Shopping with my brother was fun!
i liked the fact that he wasnt fussy and bought the pants i chose! YAY!
He treated me to ice cream..
I think i love my brother more now than i used to.. He's becoming a better person i must say and im happy for that! No more mean big brother!
I guess everything was fine in the day time, but the night time was HORRIBLE!
Had to do my bloody presentation slides, and there were many things that cropped up which led to my breakdown.
Tsk tsk..
Slept for only 1 or 2 hours that day..

Monday

My group members came to my house. Damned rush!
Room was in a bloody mess.
I looked good with the blazer. heh
Took a cab to school.
Didnt have any cue cards to prepare me for the presentation.
Horribly nervous and sleepy.
But i guess in the end the presentation was ok.
At least i managed fine without the cue cards.
Although the whole group could have done better if we were more organised.

Call me crazy, but i actually went shopping with my frens and went to watch movie with a guy friend of mine after that.
I dont know what he was up to, but he held my hand in the cinema!
That left me stumped for a while and i was left wondering what the hell is he trying to do!
I can never really understand guys after all.

Anyway, i reached home quite late adn thought that i wanted to take a nap and wake up later to study for my test tomm.
But i slept throughout the nite and woke up at 7a.m. in the morning.
Tsk tsk..

Today
Its a bright and sunny day and im off to a good start.
Contented with my toasted bread and helping my mom out with the little things..
We'll see how my day goes..
I'll write again later.. i hope

Sometimes, things are not as bad as it seems to be. :)

Today's presentation turned out to be OK.
Wasnt as nervous as i expected it to be and didnt cringe as much as i thought i would when i heard my own voice thru the mike.
I was ok i guess.
And thanks Ronald for telling me to slow down, although i was still blabbering very fast.

Went out after the presentation with the freaking high heels which was killing me!
I guess there's really a price to pay to look good.

But generally today was a good day out although it zapped the life out of me!
He.. Went out with ppl that i like to be with.
Talked about life and stuff.
It was liberating.

How does one actually try to get a guy to fall for her?
Is there a technique or something or does it just come naturally?
I mean what does a girl need to do in order to subtly seduce the guy?
hmnn.. i think seduce is too strong a word..
Before any of u come to the wrong conclusion thnking im some desperate moron, well im not.
These questions dont come from me.
i'm just wondering about it on behalf of someone else.

Hmnn.. i guess these are the kinda things that i think about from time to time.
Actually, i want my cuzin to get a bf and i think she wants one.
Not to say that she's desperate, but sometimes a gerl just needs someone in her life and i think my cuzin needs it.
She's really nice and all but then she just doesnt seem to be getting attached.
i wonder why..
What is it that guys are looking for anyway?
Looks? character/personality? Charm? Chemistry? or all of those?
Nobody is perfect so i dont think can have all of those rite?
Although i've been asking lots of guys this question, the answers dont seem to be the actual fact.
This is what i think anyway, i hope guys dont feel offended or anything.
Guys:(not all guys!)
They want all the best qualities from girl to find the "perfect" girl.
And they are so picky.
Need to be able to make them feel good, need to be able to fill the qualities that they're looking for, need to be able to withstand their nonsense and the list goes on and on..

i mean its alrite to have all these kind of expectations, but i think some of them should look in the mirror first.
I mean if they're really great and have all the qualities as well, its ok for them to find someone of the same standard and have high expectations.
But what about those guys who dont really posses these qualilties yet they have high expectations about their future gf..

Ok ok.. i admit im being bitchy here, but its what i feel anyway..
i guess, it applies to girls too.. and i should start looking in the mirror myself rite?

And how do u tell someone u dont really feel like talking to them on the phone without hurting their feelings?
Is it even possible without having to LIE.
I feel so bitchy and mean. EURGH

Receiving so many phone calls recently some of which i would rather avoid.
Feel like im messing ppl's life with these phonecalls. Damn
Feeling depressed after picking up the phonecalls.
Will write again when i feel better.
I'd better do my work now.

I'm freaking tired, but i've got loads to do.
My eyelids are getting damn heavy.
Its affecting my mood.

I found out a lot of interesting things today:
I found out from my ex boyfriend's best buddy, that my ex boyfriend is now a miserable, pathetic and desperate bugger!
i know i shouldnt be gloating or even be happy about it but i just cant help it!
After all he's put me thru, its sort of makes me feel better knowing he is screwing his life yet AGAIN and that im absolutely better off without him!
Apparently he hasnt learned from his mistakes, and is making a turn for the worst.
He is gallavanting around, been skipping school and been jumping from girl to girl.
Within the last 2 months, he has been rejected by 3 girls!
How pathetic is THAT!
I feel for his mom. He has changed so drastically that he is retaliating against his mom to tears!
And guess his age? He is 23 for goodness sake!
Isnt it a bit too late to be doing this kinda things?
i thought guys/girls do these kinda things when they're teenagers!
Either his brain is the size of a pea or it's full of shit or his maturity is stunted.
Anyway, im better off without him! I think i'll thank him for dumping me after all.
He saved me the misery of tolerating his nonsense and suffering big time!
Thank u thank u THANK YOU!

Anyway, enough about the sad moron.

Groupworks are driving me insane!
And i'm a control freak!
I wanna do all the things thinking i know best, when i know im taking loads of work and that most prob i wont be able to finish it.
Am i crazy or am i CRAZY??!

Another thing i realised is that i've gotta change my habit of being damn indecisive.
Its going to ruin me one day!
Apparently, i made someone angry due to my indecisiveness, making him feel that he was my backup plan.
Man, that was horrible. I guess i just wasnt sure.
My Aim: Next time, if im not sure what to do, dont say anything until im damn sure of what i want. AND MAKE SURE I STICK TO IT!

Anyway, need to get started on my work before i fall asleep!]

Cheerios

See. This is what i mean by inconsistency.. i didnt write in yesterday..
Had a proper night's sleep.
Felt better than i had in the last few weeks. :)

Today, i realised the importance of communication in any relationship.
Sometimes i wonder, if u find a partner, does the way he/she talks matter?
I mean the way he expresses himself, how good his languge is and etc..
Personally, i feel that it really matters. I get frustrated when the guy cant express himself. Maybe its because im a very verbal and emotional kinda person and when the other person cant fulfill my communication needs i get pissed and impatient.
I guess im just very demanding.
Shesh. That explains why im single.
Anyway, i have to admit that we girls can be complicated. Sometimes we get confused and dont know what we want. But other than that, we're nice people. heh. :)
I'm weird.
I can help people with their relationship problems, but i couldnt even save mine.
I'll learn.

Life's like a wheel.
You get back what you do unto others as the wheel rotates and you reach that certain point on the wheel.
We make a full turn and eventually get back to where we were.
I guess that explains why old people act like a child sometimes.
I wonder if im going to be that way when im old?

Its certainly been quite some time since i wrote, be it online or on a diary.
Plain laziness i guess.
But now with this new blog, i hope i'll have more motivation and consistency to write down everything thats in my crammed head!
I feel like a bloody computer sometimes.
Running out of disk space.
Perhaps that explain why im forgetting lots of stuff lately. Eurgh

Just got back from jogging, and its got my adrenaline pumping!
But its losing its effect real fast.
Eyelids are getting heavier.
Realised im getting weaker and my stamina's slowly deteriorating.
I'm gonna have to do something bout it. :(